Dear Dave: My husband was laid off three months ago, and I’m afraid we’re about to lose our home. I’ve been working three part-time jobs to help keep our heads above water, but he says the economy’s bad, and he’s waiting for the “right” job. The bills are piling up, and I don’t know what to do. —Paula
Dear Paula: When a guy loses a job, it’s a devastating blow. Many guys are task-oriented, and define themselves by what they do rather than who they are. That’s not a good thing.
When I went broke several years ago, I had to redefine myself in my own mind. I lost my business, and in many ways I looked at that company as who I was. My identity was suddenly gone. Lots of guys go through that when they lose their jobs, and in the process they can lose the courage to go fight again.
I think you two should sit down with your pastor or a good marriage counselor and talk through this thing. I also think your husband needs a good friend—someone he admires and respects—to verbally knock him around a little and put the fight back into his spirit. Three months of a guy sitting on his butt in this situation is unacceptable. I don’t want to hear a bunch of stuff about the economy, a career path, or that he’s overqualified. It doesn’t matter if you’re delivering pizzas or mowing yards, you’re never “overqualified” to be a man and take care of your responsibilities!
Sometimes people need a little time to get their heads together when something traumatic happens. But it’s time for your husband to get out and do something! —Dave
Dear Dave: Our son is 27, has two children, and now he’s getting divorced from the woman he’s been married to for seven years. Her parents gave them lots of money throughout their marriage, and now he’s coming to us for money. If we ask what the money is for, he tells us it’s none of our business. We know he’s going through a rough time right now, but we don’t have a lot of money. We’re not sure what to do. —Dee
Dear Dee: How about just saying no? Then, if he asks why, tell him it’s none of his business.
Seriously, this is a grown man we’re talking about. If he’s going to take on the lifestyle and actions of a grownup, he needs to act like one. I understand he’s hurting right now, but he’s acting pretty arrogant for someone who’s running back to mommy and daddy for money!
I think you need to cut off the cash supply before this gets any worse. Instead, you could offer to help with the kids, or let them all stay at your home for a few weeks while he works through this thing and gets his head and his life together. If he’s willing to get into some serious financial counseling and start becoming accountable for his money, then you might look into helping him financially from time to time in the future. But at this point, it’s like giving a drunk a drink.
Anyone can make a mistake, Dee. But it’s not your job to fund his arrogance or his irresponsibility! —Dave
Dear Dave: My husband and I are on Baby Step 2 of your [financial-recovery] plan, and we’re working hard to pay off all of our debt. We’re Christians, but would it be a good idea to decrease our traditional 10- to 15-percent tithe while we work through the debt snowball? —Janelle
Dear Janelle: I’ve studied Scripture on this subject for about 20 years and taught in Christian settings. But I don’t want you to take my word as the final authority. What we’re about to get into comes from God, not some guy with a radio show, OK?
When you look up the Hebrew word “tithe,” it literally means “tenth.” Not 10 to 15 percent—a tenth. The book of Deuteronomy says to give a tenth of your net increase. In Proverbs, it refers to the tithe as first fruits, off the top, before anything else. About 1,200 years of Christian teaching has focused on the idea that the tithe goes to the local church, because it’s the New Testament representation of the Old Testament storehouse. The storehouse took care of the Levites, which were the priests—or pastors—and the widows and orphans. Today, the New Testament church in your community is supposed to use it for the same kinds of things: pastors’ salaries and helping people who are struggling.
Now, once we’ve said all that, the problem is that there’s enough toxicity in modern-day Christianity and twisted information that surrounds tithing to choke a horse! I want you to remember one thing, though: God doesn’t love you more just because you tithe more than the person sitting next to you. It’s not a salvation issue, either. We’re not going to get into performance-based legalism here. God thinks you’re cool! You’re His kid, and He’s going to love you even if you don’t tithe. But He knows what tithing does for us. It makes us focus on something other than ourselves. God doesn’t need your money, but He does want us to be loving and giving to the people around us.
I wouldn’t stop or reduce my tithe if I were in your situation. When I hit bottom 20 years ago, I tithed all the way into bankruptcy court and all the way out. Just please keep in mind that you shouldn’t do this because Dave Ramsey gave you a “rule.” It comes straight from God, and it’s a loving Father’s instructions to what’s best for His kids! —Dave
Dear Dave: I’m working toward eliminating the credit cards used by my company. How do you get debit cards for employees that won’t give them access to company bank accounts? —Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: You don’t. The debit card is what gives them access to the company bank account.
At my company, we run an operating account that several of my team members can access with a debit card. I look at it this way: If you trust your employees enough to travel and do business in your name and on your behalf, then you’ve got to be able to trust them with money.
If you think you can’t trust someone, then don’t send them out to do business for you. Better yet, don’t hire them in the first place! —Dave
For more financial recommendations, visit daveramsey.com. Best-selling author and money expert Dave Ramsey is host of the nationally syndicated radio program The Dave Ramsey Show, which is heard by 4.5 million listeners each week on 450 radio stations throughout the United States. He is the creator of Financial Peace University, a 13-week program that helps people eliminate debt, get control of their money and learn new behaviors with money that are founded on commitment and accountability.
Tags: entrepreneur, financial planning, goal setting, jobless, mortgage, savings, unemployed